5 THINKING PATTERNS THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL RELAXED ABOUT YOURSELF

 It’s often thought that personality is something we’re born with. An unchanging, concrete aspect of who we are.

Some parts of personality are tied to genes, yes. But 95% of the rest of who we are and how we behave are rooted to how and what we think.

And we can live an entirely different experience depending on how we choose to use our thoughts.

The following thinking styles or mantras can change your life for the better:

• I’m Ok With Who I Am Right Now.

Many of us go through life weighed down by insecurities.

These self-criticisms arose from others’ judgements, and mainly our own.

We bought into the significance of these assertions and perceived something to be ‘wrong’ with us. But criticism can’t ever be tied to the truth because, by its very nature, criticism or judgement is a fabricated, human-made meaning.

In the absence of created meaning, there simply IS.

We simply are. We are OK. We aren’t good or bad. We’re just who we are.

And in the void left by criticism, self-compassion becomes our default.

To love who we are comes without effort or intervention.

• Other People Can Do And Be What They Want.

If you want to be deeply stressed, try wishing other people did things differently.

This is inherently frustrating when we face a situation we want to change but know we can’t.

The solution? Realise it’s not on you to try to change anything or anyone.

The best you can do is accept that others will do things you disagree with and focus on developing yourself as best you can.

If you are a parent of children, for example, they don’t yet have complete agency; your influence is in your control.

But for everyone else, find the relief in knowing you can’t force others to do your bidding.

• There Is Nothing Anyone Can Say That I Have A Problem With.

But isn’t this a little nihilistic, Alex? A little passive?

What I am saying here is simply to emphasize the disconnect between the perceived meaning of someone’s words and your emotional state.

Untold misery arises from the belief that the two need to unite.

They don’t. What someone says is on them. They have their own subjective opinions.

Whether they are ‘right’ or wrong needn’t bother you. You are not here to argue. You are simply witnessing the verbalized thoughts of other humans.

Allow those thoughts to affect you, and you are not free.

• I Don’t Need Anything From Anyone.

Why would you need something from anyone in particular?

Certainly, when it comes to psychological needs, no single other person has what we need.

We don’t need validation or respect or support. To experience love and admiration is nice, but we shouldn’t depend on this.

If we do, our happiness is instantly at the mercy of the choices and behaviours of other people.

This weakens us. It also comes off as needy, which distances others from us.

Yes, sometimes other people have what we want, especially in the material sense.

A bag of nails. A turnip. Some guidance.

And if they don’t, we can relax and find them in the hands of the next person that comes along. No big deal.

The same goes for needing anything else from any one person.

You need nothing. You’re free.

• I Have Everything I Need To Know In This Moment.

Many of us — myself included — get nervous in anticipation of events that requires us to think on our feet (especially when the perceived stakes are high).

For example, going on a date or being invited to speak on a podcast. We want to succeed, but some of us lack faith in our ability to say the ‘right’ thing when we need to.

So we get anxious. What helped me a ton in situations like this was understanding this one thing:

“We will know the words to say when we stop thinking we won’t know what to say.”

We do know. When we relax and let go of pressuring ourselves, we open channels connecting us to our true intelligence.

To not get our pants in a twist around what to do or say is a form of faith, and it’s a powerful one.

If we start a new project or business, take it one step at a time.

Summary: You will be guided by this innate intelligence in the moment. Have faith that what you need will appear to you as you need it. And it will often surprise you and those around you.

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